Novel Ideas on Christian Dating

There are a lot of Christian books on dating and relationships. Most of them advocate one form of hooking up over another, whether it be dating, non-dating, courting, or arranged marriages. They tend to tout themselves as being the most biblical, based on their interpretation of scripture, or the most successful, based on their personal experience. From my many years of pre-marital and marital counseling I tend to see each couple’s coupling as unique and their learned ability to relate to each other in love is much more of an art than it is a procedure.

I was given the opportunity to review the book, Glaen, by Dr. Fred Lybrand. He attempts to share his perspectives on how to succeed in love and marriage but with a couple of differences from these other books. First off, he hasn’t prescribed to a specific method of dating at all; instead he pulls out principles of how people relate to each other—recognizing that the methodology of putting those principles in place may vary from couple to couple. Secondly, he shares his findings as a story, allowing one of his characters, college student Annie, to discover these principles and then write them down in a series of lies she’s believed about relationships as well as their countering truths.

Annie has parents that are divorcing, a sister who treats her boyfriends as arm-candy, a best friend who chases off each boyfriend with her over-commitment, while Annie herself is a bit relational-phobic because she is scared that she doesn’t understand how to make a relationship work. She takes on a daunting writing assignment from her quirky college professor to write a book about relationships based on her observations and interviews of other couples.

As with any novel that is written primarily as a delivery vehicle for a message, the story feels like one. Though Lybrand uses creativity in his story telling, it falls short of being a great read. However, by putting his principles in the form of a story he has made his insights much more accessible than by writing an essay for a professional journal. I found that I underlined several passages, writing thoughts in the wide margins provided in the book.

Some of the questions the characters deal with in the book are:

• Should I act married in a relationship when I’m not?
• Is there only one person God intended me to marry?
• Will I be happy in my relationships if I follow the right process?
• Where does sex best fit in a relationship?
• Are there relational differences between genders or not?
• What does “love as a choice” mean?
• What is chemistry and does it come in an aerosol can?
• Can I make the other person act the way I need them to?
• Where does romance fit into the health of a relationship?
• Do I really value truth and freedom?

A study guide is available online at www.glaen.com. This would make a great book for a small group to read aloud and engage in a discussion. I certainly recommend this book as a tool for addressing principles for effective relating.

Below is a trailer for the book.